Zinnia Hope, author of multi-genres and erotic romances; also writing as J. Emberglass
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Tuesday, August 15
I've been so busy with farm work, kids getting ready to go back to school and my writing deadlines that I'm an exhausted mass of misfiring brain cells. I got a great laugh the other morning that let off a lot of pressure from my harried brain.
I had all my boys in the SUV and drove to town to drop two of them off at football practice before I took the other four school shopping. (Yes, I know. I'm certifiably insane for taking four of them at one time.) I rounded a hairpin turn, and a mourning dove flapped its wings, raising its tubby body from the edge of the road.
Now, doves are lovely birds, but they're not the smartest foul in the world. Unlike chickens, doves are more of the passive agressive of birds. They look at you as if to say, "I'm fat, I'm fluffy, I'm too rotund to move, so you'll have to do ME the courtesy instead."
Too bad SUV's aren't more understanding.
The dumbass bird flew--or at least what it thought was flying--and veered across the road instead of into the roadside weeds or trees. I couldn't swerve since another car was approaching.
"Mom!" My next-to-the-youngest yelled. "You're gonna hit that dove."
"Get out of the way!" I shouted at the overweight feather factory.
It flapped its wings like mad, its tail fanned out in hopes of more areodynamics. I swear, if I had a workout like that I'd probably burn 1,000 calories a minute.
The oncoming car passed, the dove, however, didn't. It hit the windshield.
"Jeez, Mom!" the next oldest boy said. "You just splatted a bird!"
"Really? What was your first clue???"
The dove bounced off the windshield. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw it glide into the trees like it should've done to begin with.
"It's fine," I told my sons. "Dumbass bird."
"I'm scarred for life," said the son in the seat beside me. "Its butt hit the windshield. Never thought an asshole could be so scary."
I blinked. When my son's words fully penetrated my brain, I had to pull off the side of the road because I was laughing so hard I couldn't see through the tears.
"Mom! We're going to be late for practice!" The older two complained.
My life is never dull.