Tuesday, January 9

Good morning all!

I'm in the middle of writing like mad on a new novel, so please don't give up on checking in here for funny posts and madness with the chickens. I want to make an ammendment about something, then I'll post something that had me laughing so hard I was actually crying and holding my belly.

I have discovered that people are sending in guesses on my Conspiracy of Angels contest. I'm a bit hurt and miffed over this, but luckily, out of the handful of entries I've received so far, no one has answered correctly. So I'm ammending the contest to be fair to those who actually do buy and read the novel. {And thank you to all those who have purchased it. An unbelievable amount of time and headache went into writing that novel.}



The prize is a nice collection of goodies. There will be a menagerie of things in it from books to writing supplies to greeting cards to jewelry to whatever else I decide to throw in. (***Overseas entries will receive an Amazon.com gift certificate for the approximate value of the goodies.***) All you have to do is tell me what color the carnation is that the mysterious man (angel) gives to Elizabeth AND what does the carnation turn into. Yup, that’s it. Email your answer to zinnia_hope@sbcglobal.net with the words "Conspiracy Contest" in the subject line. I’m not sure how long I’ll run this contest, but I’ll post the occasional reminder and notify everyone a couple days before I decide to draw the winning answer. You can find the novel HERE.

Correct answers will go into a "hat" and one of my boys will draw the winner.



A while ago, I received the following from a friend and saved it because it's so hilarious--well, to me, anyway, lol. Some of you may have read this somewhere already, but for those of you who haven't, I hope you enjoy it. It gives me good ideas on how to torment the chickens...lmao...

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough tofigure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each otherstuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in soI get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ”Cold wax," ( yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Holdthe skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the bestfeeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longereludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinary. With my next wax strip I move
north.

After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the
ultimate hair fighting championship.Idrop my panties and place one foot
on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the was strip across the right sideof my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretchingdown to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) Iinhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP!!!

Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly andspotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hearcrashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has causedme so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revelin the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I seethe hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, whichis now covered in cold wax and matted hair.Then I make the next BIG
mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet?

I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DANG!!!!!!!!

I hear the slamming of a cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do andthink to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head maypop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water meltswax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gentlywipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had
convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has somesecret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter-"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removalbut she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to knowexactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions.

I resort to scraping the waxoff with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, my dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, l but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!! It works!!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. To my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb bynow. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......
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